Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Beware the Ides of March

The soothsayers warning to Cesar of his own demise has long made this day infamous in it's historical context. For me it's beginning to take on its own infamy. Today is my birthday. Once upon a time I'd jump from my bed and run to the kitchen to celebrate my haul. Or I'd squirm in my chair at school, eyes out the window waiting for my mom to round the corner with ice cream clowns for my classmates. Today I awoke to a silent house; a lonely bowl of cereal at a dark kitchen table. Now I sit in my office chair, equally as squirmy, eyes darting out my window as if I'll catch old man time trying to sneak up on me. But, if there's anything from a day like this it's that it's an opportunity to reflect. More than just on a year or two, but on a lifetime. When I was 5 I wanted to be Jacques Cousteau; I'm a certified diver, but I haven't been in the water in 10 years. At 10 I wanted to be a professional football player; didn't make it through my first season of high school ball. 15 I was going to be a vet; I own a couple of animals. By 20 I was going to be an Academy Award winner. ... that was probably my biggest professional goal. I wrote a speech, but I doubt I'll need it. I've even got a nice little body of work stored in my DVD collection. So it'd be easy for me to look at those goals and tell myself that I've been unsuccessful. That I've fallen short. That I failed. And maybe I did. But as I divert my eyes for a moment, from the window to the cadenza in my office I can see the shrine I've built in the last 17 months. Pictures upon pictures of my angels in the flesh. I see a gorgeous woman, wrapped in white with a gigantic pregnant belly. I see the same woman in white a few years early, starring longingly at a familiar looking fellow in a tux. I see two newborns, snuggling each other in a hospital blanket. I see them some months later, laying on their backs and grinning at the camera. I see all four of them, scrunched together, on top of each other and smiling. I see a family. I see happiness. I see love. I never dreamed of these things. I wanted them, for sure, but if you asked me at those ages what my goals were, what my ambitions held, these wouldn't have been in my answer. Yet now that I'm here. ... this is all I want. This is all I need. I get to explore a world with two new, fresh little minds. I get to play any game their willing to play with me. I get to fix them when they break, and hold them when their sick. I get to give a speech some day, telling them how much I love them and how proud they've made me. I want to let them know that this is not what I planned for my life, but that's because I never had a brilliant enough imagination to see how much better this road was than the one I was looking for. Today is my birthday, and I have everything that I could ever want, all that I'll ever need, and more than this one man could ever deserve. Happy Birthday to me!


  1. Happy birthday to you.

    That was a beautiful post.

  2. Fantastic and beautiful post. I couldn't even hope to say it better. Funny how our plans are oftentimes interrupted by something even better.

    Happy birthday!

  3. Happy Birthday, Kyle! This was a lovely post.