Well this post has been a long 5 weeks in the making. And you know me, I have a tough time keeping anything to myself. But I got the "go ahead" after yesterdays ultra sound so I can scream it from the mountains now: we're having another baby!!!!!!! Of course, as with anything we do, this has a hell of a story to go along with it.
Driving home from Easter last month, Gina mentioned that she was a little late with her period. My heart fluttered slightly, but not too much; this wasn't the first time we'd had that happen. What's interesting to note is that Gina had just been to her doctor and requested to go on birth control again. Her doctor said she'd rather not since it took Gina almost a year and a half to get her cycle back when she went off of birth control to try and conceive the girls. Anyway, we bought a pregnancy test at the dollar store because we thought there was no way she really was and we weren't going to blow more than a buck on a crap shoot. She did the deed and let it sit a while while we got back to life. We kind of forgot about it getting the girls fed for dinner. I went in to the bathroom a little while later and asked "what am I looking for here?!" "Two pink lines" she said. All I could see was a pink equal sign from hell that said "this equals f#@ me!" In fact, I audibly spoke the last two words and Arianna came running in to see what was the matter. In trying to assess the situation she managed to knock the cup of urine that the stick was sitting in off the counter and on to the both of us. So know I'm terrified and covered in my wife's urine. And that's the start of the story.
We calmed ourselves down. Decided that we weren't ready, but it's obviously not up to us this time. We weren't doing anything to prevent so, shame on us. She scheduled an appointment with the doctor and the next few weeks we got more comfortable with the idea. We would love our little oops just as much as the girls and life would be fine. We didn't have any place to put oops. ... but we had a few months to figure it out. Anyway, a week before the appointment Gina started getting a light brown discharge. She was a little concerned so she called the doctor to check - she asked to come in early to take a look.
The doctor fired up the ultra sound machine and began looking intently. I tried to sneak a peek but she told me to wait my turn. Finally she looked up at us and spun the monitor around. "There's no heart beat here" she said sympathetically. She explained that the conception took place, but the fetus never grew after that. Gina's body was still under the illusion of pregnancy, but there was no baby any more. She was right, there was nothing in there. Just an empty void. No flash, no blob. ... just space. She gave Gina a week to try and flush the pregnancy out on her own. If the body didn't cooperate with a miscarriage then she'd need to have a D&C to remove everything before infection set in.
She left the room and we sighed. It was better this way we decided. We didn't have space. We didn't have energy. We didn't have. ... a baby anyway. We talked ourselves in to being OK. Each of us putting on a smiley face for the other and taking solace in the upbeat nature of the other. That's how we work. We've always likened ourselves to the letter "A". Two sides leaning against each other and holding the structure up.
The week went by and nothing happened. Gina was not looking forward to the procedure and, what's more, she still felt really pregnant. Like. ... really. Crazier yet, I had a dream on Saturday night at the end of the week about a PeeWee football player being shot and killed then coming to life shortly after the funeral. It creeped me out, but as we talked on Sunday we both felt like this wasn't over. She went to the appointment on Monday to schedule the D&C, I went to work. At 10:40 AM I got the most amazing call: there's a baby!
I freaked. I flipped. I ran out of my office and started pumping my fist, kneeling down, jumping up. I went crazy. I also forgot that my building has giant windows in the front, so when I turned around after hanging up I had a full audience watching me. They were just glad to know that no one had died and I wasn't about to go postal on the office.
The doctor said in her entire career she's only seen this happen once before; a diagnosis of a blighted ovum producing a viable pregnancy a week later. And that's just what we got, a miracle baby. Because despite telling ourselves that this was better, we didn't feel it was. We'd grown attached to the idea of having a baby, even if it wasn't planned for. And maybe we needed that. We love our girls more than words can express, and a lot of that comes from having lost our first daughter. Gina questioned how she could ever love another child as much as she loved our girls, and this showed her she can. This baby will never be called "an oops" again. Not by us. Not by anyone. He or she is not an oops. ... they're a miracle. And I can't wait to hold my miracle some time in December. Of course that means we're going to need to change the title of the blog. ... we'll get to that in due time.