Monday, October 25, 2010

Woo Who?

OK, so this post is not about the twins, per se, it's more about marriage and a disheartening thing I heard today. And it's not aimed at parents, or women, it's aimed specifically at the guys out there - and in theory, my daughters should they grow up and ever read these writings. To set this up for you let me start by saying I am constantly attempting to surprise my wife. It's one of my main goals, to successfully surprise her. In the beginning it was mostly my fault, like a giddy school kid I would let something slip or stupidly allude to an impending surprise, but as I got wiser it seemed that Gina's subconscious was always one step ahead of me. If I was going to buy her a camera she'd go out and buy the same camera a day before I planned to give it to her. For her birthday I secretly took the day off work and was going to surprise her that morning and take her wine tasting. ... she decided to substitute teach a yoga class. It's a losing battle for me, and yet I press on. So last week I saw that the new Taylor Swift album was coming out this week, and knowing my wife loves her I cashed in some points I'd been saving on Amazon and pre-ordered the CD. I was totally stoked this morning when I had a ship confirmation in my e-mail inbox, knowing that the CD doesn't release until tomorrow so I had pretty much locked this surprise up. Of course this afternoon Gina calls me to tell me that I'll "never guess what!" Turns out, when she went to Costco to buy dog food they had a big display offering members the Taylor Swift album a day earlier. ... cue sitcom "you've been foiled" music - wa-wa-waaaaaa! So, I'm having a conversation about this later with a male friend of mine who has been married a lot longer than me and has kids of his own and his response is "the sooner you realize that you're already married and you don't have to woo her anymore, the happier you'll be." What?! I reiterate for those that think this makes sense. ... WWWHHHHHAAATTTT?????!!!!!! Guys, this is 2010, not 1910. You're wife, you're girlfriend, you're circa 1980's best friend who you're secretly in love with but can't figure out how to tell her has options these days. Even after she's married you, with a divorce rate nearing 50% there is no stigma attached should she decide you're a chump and she dumps your ass. This is no longer a world where you can get away with wooing for 2 years and sitting on a couch with your hand on your crotch for the next 60. If you love your wife you need to show her, you should WANT to show her. This morning I overslept and while I was in the shower at 5:45, long before she needs to get up herself, Gina was making my lunch so that I could save those few minutes and get out the door. What's more, she put some toast and jam in there for me so I could eat breakfast on the road. This woman deserves to be wooed, she deserves to be surprised, she deserves to be swept of her feet time and time again (no matter how many times I fail at my attempts). And something tells me guys, you're partner deserves it too. If you're like him, if you feel wooing is something that stops. ... so too will your marriage. Those are my words of wisdom to you. And girls, my daughters specifically, if you're reading this, the moment your partner stops wooing you, the moment they stop showing you they love you, feel free to walk. You deserve more. You're worth more. And you're more than capable of standing on you're own two feet until you find someone who can sweep you off of them.


  1. AMEN KYLE! :) Good job being a good hubby.

  2. I wish there were more of you!!!! I am taking your advice for the girls for me. I know that I can stand on my own until someone does do this for me. I just wish there were more men like you out there. So far you are the only one I have meet, and I am afraid you are one of a kind. If you find him before me tell him I am here, waiting.

  3. Hayley, I doubt I'm alone - in fact I'm confident I am not - so if I do come across anyone I'll send them your way. In the mean time, remember as a mother with a son you have an opportunity to create another man like this. I give much of the credit for who I am to my mother. ... it's amazing what a good man a great mom can make.