Sunday, January 1, 2012

To Auld Lang Syne

I write this to you know under the influence of a slight losing streak playing beer pong with people half my age at the annual family New Years party tonight.  And like 40% of this evening's revelers I find myself covered in puke.   However, unlike 78% of those vomit covered revelers I am covered in someone else's puke.  Mine is not that of a 3 weeks in girlfriend or an over zealous high school buddy.  Mine's not from a stranger in a surging crowd at some urban hot spot with a cover charge or even some random person I shared a cab home with.  My vomit comes from the mouth of a 2 week old infant who I've already decided I'm so in love with that I have yet to even change the shirt despite the feeling of cold "used" breast milk soaking through it and dampening my skin beneath.  So why is it important for us to have this conversation now?  Because it's officially a new year.  2011 is history.  It is no more.  The chapter has closed.  And once again that year was magnificent.  It was magnificent for all the reasons that I didn't intend it to be.  Biggest of all - we had a child. ... on accident.  I toast each new year in with the claim that something big is going to happen this year. ... something amazing.  And once again the year did not fail to provide.  The most amazing thing that can happen did.  And her name is Rosaline.  She's to my right right now.  She's nursing.  She's beautiful and perfect and. ... mine.  I didn't ask for her.  I didn't deserve her.  I didn't anticipate or plan for her, she just kind of showed up.  And as the year that brought her. ... the year that she really defined if you consider that 9 months of the 12 were racked with worry about her impending arrival. ... as this most recent loop of the roller coaster comes to an end. ... I smile.  I laugh.  I weep a little, but only out of joy.  Because the hands of fate and the passage of time has brought me something big this year.  It's given me one more thing to sing about. ... one more person to toast. ... to kiss at the stroke of midnight. ... one more year to declare in full confidence that this next year. ... something big is going to happen.   Because it always does.

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