Saturday, January 7, 2012

My Sh!tty Saturday Night

By now you know my official tittle in our household.  Today put even my superhero ability to clean up fecal matter to the test.  Before dinner both girls were sent to go to potty.  I was sent to make sure it went smoothly. ... I failed.  Genevieve got seated ok, but Arianna kept saying she didn't have to go.  I finally pulled down her pants and sat her and suddenly got that strange feeling that something was on me.  You know. ... that feeling that a spider or a piece of hair is crawling around on you.  I looked down at my hand and in slow motion I followed the brown trail from the middle of my wrist up to the tip of my thumb.  I then turned my head toward her underwear in my left hand and saw the brown star-burst of a slight poop stain in the rear crotch area.  Instinctively I called out "Gina help!"  But got no response.  My father-in-law pipped in from the garage "do you need something."  No. ... better sit this one out George. ... this is not the one you want to lend a hand on.  I rushed from the bathroom (they were both sitting comfortably now) to show Gina - let me point out that I had just changed my shirt moments earlier because Rosaline had thrown up inside my shirt. ... not on my shirt. ... inside. ... all the way down to my belly button.  After venting, I returned to finally wash of my hand and talk to Arianna about the need to go in the potty, even though I'm convinced it was just a little turtle head that had slightly poked out because the underwear barely had any mark.  That's when I saw it.  What ever had happened down there had gone atomic.  It was not just a little streak on my hand; it was all the way down her leg.  It was all over the Elmo potty.  Not just on the seat, I'm talking on the back of the back rest. ... e-ve-ry-wh-eeeeerrrrreeeee.  After the shower and a packet of wipies, an industrial fire hose and hazmat crew, I'm still not sure this one is clean.  If your not familiar with Dumb and Dumber-er (sequel to the famous one) there's one scene I'll share with you that instantly popped in to my head. ... and I totally felt like Bob Saget at that moment in time. ... probably the only time I'll ever feel like Bob Saget, too.  I hope.

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