Daddy's Day(s) Off

Oh, the joy of children. ... almost as joyous as the days away from them.  I kid, I kid.  But I did take a little break from reality over the weekend; went down to Temecula and played in a 3 day, 4 round golf tournament.  You think chasing 3 girls around is exhausting?  Try swinging a golf club nearly 500 times in 90 degrees plus.  Whew!  Before I get to my stories, it's important to point out: there is nothing better then spending time with my family.  I know that sounds sappy, and I also realize that it's necessary to take that break and do something other then be "daddy" and spouse.  But as much fun as I had with my friends, playing golf, hitting the casino and drinking way to much beer - it doesn't even hold a candle to the trip we took to the zoo yesterday after I got home - and the zoo was closed.  Be that what it may, here's a rundown of my weekend off.

5:30 am, woke up and drove to Yorba Linda to pick up my buddy and golf partner.
7:00 am, left his house
7:20 am, stopped by my Corona office to install a new water unit - long story on what happened that required this
9:00 am, arrived at resort
9:20 am, checked in to our room and "unpacked". ... meaning we got all the beer on ice
9:45 am, grabbed breakfast in the club and was introduced to 4 other guys as "the 185". .... my last time at this tourney was about 4 years ago. .... I had a really rough opening round
10:30 am hit the driving range and became overly optimistic
11:45 am, tee'd off. ... reality sunk in
11:46 am, cracked first beer
12:00 pm, threw first club
12:05 pm, gave up caring
1:23 pm, had this photo taken 16 times because my buddy's dad couldn't figure out the iPhone

4:35 pm, finished first round
5:00 pm, regrettably played 3 more holes for "fun"
5:45 pm, took worlds best shower
6:00 pm, hit the bar
7:00 pm, dinner
8:15 pm, buddy #2 showed up
9:00 pm, was convinced to go to a bar in "down town"
9:05 pm, paid for the first cab
9:20 pm, called cab to come back
9:25 pm, arrived at casino
9:26 pm, reluctantly paid for the second cab ride
10:00 pm, lost track of both my buddies
10:20 pm, felt really old ordering a bottle of water from the cocktail waitress
10:30 pm, down to last 40 bucks
11:00 pm, things got really interesting.
Here's the story: I haven't seen my friends in a while and I'm getting really bummed out at this table.  Suddenly, I hear the table behind me going crazy.  I turn around and see buddy #2 (who's a tall 6'4") playing at the handicap blackjack table with three "little people".  I look at the depressed crowd of retiree's surrounding my table and figure "what the hell, if I'm going to lose my money I'm going to have a story to tell.  I sit down at "1st base" (my buddies at 3rd with the three others between us).  Suddenly the table explodes.  Black Jack!  Black Jack!  Double Down!  Dealer Bust!  Dealer Bust!  Dealer Bust!  I start a little stack of blacks to my left and we're screaming, high fiving and the whole time I'm thinking this is a scene out of Hangover 3 or something.  This drunk woman stumbles up and asked to take a picture with the 3 saying "you're on that Little People Big World show, arent' you."  One of the ladies gets offended and tells her to leave.  My buddy asks if that happens a lot and she replies "Yea, but in all fairness we were on that show a couple of times".  She just explains she doesn't like having her picture taken with fans of the show.  Then the offensive colloquialisms start spewing from my mouth with no intentional malice at all, but no for thought to prevent them.  And I have no excuse, I'm drinking water all night.  First I was congratulated by the guy on a black jack.  I tell him "you have to enjoy the little things in life".  He shoots me dagger eyes and I apologize like a maniac because I didn't even think about it like that.  Later I've colored up blacks and I don't want to break them, but I need an extra $5 chip to double down.  I tell my buddy across the table "toss me a 5, I'm a little short".  One of the ladies yells at me "really?!"  And it just continued from there.  "Give me something small".  "I'll take a tiny one"  Had to have said at least a dozen unintentionally offensive things.  The cab ride home my buddy is giving me so much crap thinking there's no way I wasn't doing it on purpose.  Anyway, it was magic.  One of the best tables I've ever played with, on or at.
1:30 am, cash out +$200
1:45 am, pay for the 3rd cab ride of the night
1:55 am, hit bed
5:30 am, rise and shine for round number 2
6:20 am, breakfast
7:15 am, tee off
7:16 am, early morning swear session
8:00 am, first beer of the day
8:45 am, lose first ball of the weekend
8:46 am, lose second ball of the weekend
12:15 pm, finish 2nd round and order last turkey sandwich from the snack shop
12:15 pm - 12:25 pm, slowly eat said sandwich right next to snack shop line while other patrons attempt to order turkey sandwiches. ... overly enjoy sandwich
12:30 pm, peel off sweat soaked clothes and change into something dry - 85 degrees felt like 95
1:15 pm, tee off for round number 2 - Best Ball match
1:15 pm - 4:00 pm, have only 1 of my shots used by team of 4
4:00 pm, leave after hole 11 to get ready for my step-sisters wedding down the street
4:45 pm, arrive at hotel to meet Gina and the girls
5:10 pm, arrive at wedding
5:55 pm, this photo is taken

6:00 pm, wedding starts - as does trying to keep Genevieve from talking and Arianna from wiggling too much. ...why did they put us in the 2nd row?
6:30 pm, wedding is over and this photo is taken

6:35 pm, I am sent back to the hotel because Gina left the "jammies" bag behind.

7:00 pm, arrive back at wedding reception
7:05 pm, catch first kid trying to stick their finger in the wedding cake
7:10 pm, Rosaline pukes on suite jacket
7:12 pm, this photo is taken

8:00 cupcakes are stolen

8:01 this photo is taken

9:00 pm, pack up the kids and send them on the 2 hour drive back home

9:01 pm, remind myself what a wonderful wife I have. ... add to "wonderful" "amazing" "beautiful" and "more then I deserve"

9:02 pm, drive back to the golf resort

9:20 pm, park and head up to the room

9:30 - 10:30 pm, hotub

11:00 pm, bed

7:30 am, wake up

8:00 am, breakfast

9:15 am, tee off. .... again.

10:00 am, lose ball number 3

10:05 am, lose ball number 4

11:15 am, lose ball number 5

2:00 pm, final putt on the final hole

2:01 pm, final putt again because last final putt lipped the freakin' cup and didn't go in.

2:02 pm, throw balls number 6, 7 and 8 in to the water off of 18

2:10 pm, jump in the car and drive like a mad man to the birthday party in Norco (north 30 minutes) that I'm already an hour late for

2:50 pm, arrive at birthday party where they are watching the superman video I made last year (long time readers might remember that) because I couldn't make it.  The girls seemed a little worried that I was on TV.  I think most casting agents in the region had the same fear; which is why my acting career went bust.

The rest is kind of a blur, but at some point I made it home and I'm assuming I eventually went to bed because I woke up Sunday morning and we went to the zoo. ... and it was closed for renovations.