Parents Night Out

Oh optimism, you are a silly whore. Tonight seemed the perfect opportunity for a parent's night out. Our good friends were throwing a 30th birthday party, Genevieve had just slept 8 hours straight the previous evening, and I'd suckered my mom and my sister, Cassie into baby sitting. We left the girls asleep and thought - they usually don't wake up until 11:00/11:3o - we've got at least 4 hours to act like adults (not grown-ups, mind you - that's different). Somewhere between the birthday cake and the nipple luge (and ice sculpture of a well endowed woman's breast through which you pour shots that dispense out of her icy aureoles) I made the mistake of calling to "check in" on the girls only to find out that "they're awake. ... have been since you left." ... fantastic. I just polished off my 5th beer and was on my way to drop off Gina's margarita refill. "Honey, we have to go", "why", "because the girls are up and won't go back to sleep". .... "shut up", "no, I'm serious". .... "shut up, that's not funny", "no, ... I'm serious". ........ "WTF!". That was a fun car ride home. Get home to find my poor mother pacing with Arianna, who is wide awake and smiling, and my poor sister shut in the bedroom desperately rocking Genevieve. This is the difference between parents (who know their kids in and out from 24 hour a day experience) and the unfortunate aunts and grandma's who have been suckered into babysitting - "Cassie, how's she doing?" "Her eyes are closed, not really asleep though." "Well, she looks asleep to me" grab the baby and lay here down. ... not a peep since. "Mom, how's Arianna", "She's wide awake". Grab the baby, relieve the suckers and send them on their way. ... baby asleep in 2 minutes. No wonder parents forfeit their life for the first couple years. ... it's no worth putting your other loved ones through the trauma. So what do we do now? Still buzzing, not ready for bed. ... where's a good nipple luge when you need one?