Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Last night I took the opportunity to do something with my wife that we haven't done in a very long time and will certainly not be doing again any time soon. I took her to the movies. ... a grown up movie. ... well. ... sort of. I took her to see the new Twilight which is for adults but somehow manages to turn grown women in to little girls. Anyway. ... I liked the werewolves so it's all good. But this post isn't about Edward Cullen or sparkly bloodsuckers and chiseled abs; it's about how we husbands can compete against such "perfect" men. ... and wolves. You see Gina posted on facebook that I was taking her and alluded to the "best husband ever" as almost every wife on facebook does. ... a lot. Little tangent: if your husband does the dishes and makes dinner one night a week - he's hardly in contention for the prize of best husband ever. Equally, folding the laundry or watching the kids for an hour so you can get your hair done does not qualify either. In fact. ... you should see that as a disappointment that it's such a big deal when he DOES do these things. But here's the thing, I'm NOT the best husband ever either. I probably never will be. I can't possibly compete for such a moniker on the basis of our lives so far. I do the laundry. I watch the girls all the time. Dishes are my middle name. But the best husband ever takes more than day to day chores. ... he's the one who jumps in front of a bus to save his wife. The one who donates a kidney. The one who works 14 jobs to keep a roof over her head and never complains of blistered hands and a bad back. I've not been put in a position where I have to prove my "best husband ever" stature. I love my wife; I am fully dedicated to my wife; I will bend over backwards for her with out so much as a request. ... but this only makes me a good husband; not the best ever. Even Edward isn't the best husband ever. He's a vampire for crying out loud. If he jumped in front of a bus it wouldn't hurt him. If he fights for her it's with the strength of 100 men. He doesn't even have to work a day job to keep her fed because he's sparkly and they drink blood which they never pay for. ... that's about the extent of his effort on the husband front. So here's the saddest part. ... and this is the reason that women are swooning over him: aside from his looks and messy hair, he's polite. He is respectful. He shows his love with out relying on stating it. His world revolves around her. This is the reason women the world over are going crazy. Because in today's society he's an anomaly instead of the standard. Do you know how few men open a door these days? Offer their coat? Stare at their wife like they did on the alter that day? My wife says that she loves Edward/Twilight because he reminds her of me so much. Wonderful. But that shouldn't qualify for the best husband ever. ... that should be the average husband. Every women should love Edward because of how much he reminds them of their husband/boyfriend. He should seem familiar to them, not foreign and exotic. Edward Cullen should be the epitome of the everyman. ... albeit a little more sparkly. But that's not how it is. Men today don't have to try. Women have relinquished the reality of Edward as a fantasy. So they applaud the mediocre and bestow the "best ever" title for something. ... something as pathetic as doing dishes. If I could change one thing about the world it would be women's expectations of men. They should expect so much more from us. They deserve so much more from us. And as a father of daughters you can be damn certain I'm not settling for anything less than this for my own girls. Boys be warned: you come calling, you best be prepared to earn the title of best husband ever, and maintain it the rest of your god given life. And if you have abs like the wolf boy that'll be considered a bonus.
at 7:52 AM