Thursday, November 21, 2013

I Know Daddy's Wrong, But Please Don't Argue With Me

Someone sent me this e-mail chain with a bunch of absurd detention notices yesterday.  One of them was from a teacher who was punishing a child who argued with him in front of the class regarding a fact which the teacher - admittedly in the form - had wrong.  I laughed, what a fool. .... yeah.  About five hours later I would face a similar situation.  I picked up the girls from my in-laws in OC (Gina teaching/I was in the area) and after a painfully drawn out dinner in which I had to convince them of every bite, I started to pack things up to head home.  I had a pile of shoes and socks and Arianna was first.  She suddenly informed me that she wanted to use the potty first; great idea - off you go.  I called over the next victim: Genevieve.  As Genevieve is deliberately ignoring me Arianna starts screaming behind me.  She's standing next to the toilet, pants around her ankles and she can't hold it a hummingbird's wing beat longer and pees into the pants around her ankles. ... WTF??!!!!  I get her on the toilet of the final few drops and start cleaning things up as I my mother-in-law heads up stairs to search for some sort of replacement clothing to get us home.  Genevieve is still ignoring me.  I grab a nearby Rosaline and, staring at three pairs of similar looking socks, pick the ones that match the least and put them on Rozzie.  This was my mistake.  When I finally drag Genevieve over to put on her shoes she begins wailing at the horror of having the wrong socks.  She was wearing the ones I put on Rosaline (orange socks, pink shoes and black pants. .. again, WTF?!).  I ask her to please just put on the socks that are there, they're green and pink, her two favorite colors. ... that was kind of like throwing a warhead into an already bubbling volcano.  She unleashes the furry of repressed sock aficionados worldwide and begins screaming at me about sock culture and.... well, god knows what it really was, I was just seeing red once she started mouthing off at me over socks.  So now I'm trying to keep Rosaline from heading home with out us, mopping up the aftermath of Arianna's accident and yelling at Genevieve to just put on the god damn fucking socks.  Now, while I refrained from actually saying the g.d.f's, the were certainly implied by inflection.  It was principle at this point.  I realized the socks were wrong.  I could have made things easy by sitting Rosaline down and switching her socks out; but I'm not about to let a four year old push me around with that kind of attitude.  Finally she got the mother loving socks on and I put her on the toilet to make sure we didn't have a double puddle.  Now Arianna is screaming because my mother in law found some pants, but she doesn't have underwear, so she's now got a wedgie - Arianna, not my mother-in-law.  Let me just say in an aside that there is nothing funnier then a little girl sobbing and saying the word "wedgie".  Sadistic, I know, but hilarious.  I give her the old "you're the one who peed in your pants so you're going to have to deal with this until we get home" speech for the second time in six weeks.  I then head up to check on Genevieve who spitefully banishes me from her presence telling me she doesn't need me around anymore. .... Fortunately we got home to find that Charming had eaten a Barbie. ... all in all a pretty good day.

No comments:

Post a Comment