Panic Switch

You know that feeling you got on the morning of your final exams, when you sat in that chair and the test was just starting to be passed your way.  Your heart started beatings somewhere in your throat and your stomach trembled and growled like a Yeti in some Himalayan cave.  Everything you studied flushed from your mind like a toilet and all you could suddenly remember was some random episode of Suddenly Susan that you thought you'd successfully burned from your memory bank.  Hello feeling. ... welcome back.  36 week check up yesterday and the realization hit. ... we're going to have a baby before the next month is out.  It's amazing. ... you have 9 months to prepare but suddenly you feel so unprepared.  Of course the doctor told us everything look fine, and then tossed in one little "but your amniotic fluid level is a little low (a 7) so drink more water and try to increase it by next week because if it drops to a 5 we'll have to deliver."  All Gina seemed to take from that is the baby is coming next week.  Of course this won't work, so she attempted to drink the Adriatic when she got home.  However this fear has now become persistent in her mind and the more she believes it the more I feel inclined to be convinced as well.  For two people who (my own opinion here) are pretty damn good at raising kids, I feel like maybe these first two were just flukes and this is the kid I"m reeeaallly going to screw up good.  All the knowledge I've accumulated through the years. ... gone.  I can't remember if I swaddle the arms first or tuck the legs.  Do I burp with my right hand or my left.  It's front to back wiping right?!  Oh god, I'm getting sweaty palms now.  Do you know how hard it is to type in a manic state with sweaty fingers?  It's hard.  I promise.  Fortunately I finished up the. ... see. ... it's happening.  I can't even remember the word.  It's not a crib. ... it's smaller and it's on a rocker. ... bassinet!  That's it.  Bassinet.  I finished up the bassinet last night, so at least the baby has some place to sleep.  Gina's worried about getting the baby cloths out of storage and washing them. ... of course I've pointed out that they were all washed before they went in to storage so unless we have a gnome infestation that's been wearing them to magical creature soiree we really just need to pull a box and go.  I feel really silly for all this excitement.  We've done this before.  In fact, we've done double this before.  This should be a walk in the park.  It's like Hideo Nomo worried about pitching to Little Leaguers.  You see how bad this is?  A Hideo Nomo reference in 2011.  And that's a Dogers Hideo Nomo reference so you know it's really old.  It's going to be fine.  It's going to be like riding a horse.  When we climb up and grab the reigns it's going to feel natural and perfect.  Of course the horse could always spook and then we ride off in to the sunset dangling from a boot stuck in a stirrup, never to be heard from again.  But, hey. ... that would make for one hell of a blog entry, so at least you'll be entertained.  Speaking of. ... what am I going to rename the blog.  "The Kopp Twins" won't work anymore. ... man, so much left to figure out before this baby comes.

Hooray for Doodie

You're familiar with the old expression "I don't give a shit."  Notice this isn't a question, it's just a statement.  Everyone has heard, thought or experienced this blase state of mind.  Well Genevieve. ... she does give a shit. ... especially about shit.  She's quickly become our bathroom cheerleader during the past few weeks of potty training (which I can't believe we've been in for over a month already. ... the Diaper Genie has become a lonely relic of times past, sitting empty and depressed in the closet all month).  It's especially funny because she was slower out of the gate on this event and experienced more. ... um. ... challenges than Arianna did.  But, none the less, she is very excited when anyone (literally anyone) succeeds with using the toilet and not their underwear - also known as kiakis, minnies, ladies, now-nows, flowers, yoga yabas and puppies depending on their adornments.  Even when she walks in on me using the potty (we still don't have a bathroom door in the pool side suite, although curtains were finally put up a few weeks ago and the gardeners are grateful for that) she claps and says "yay Daddy" and then points out that I get one M&M for peeing and 2 if I went, well, number 2.  Yesterday she wouldn't let me leave the bathroom until I showed her that I had received my reward and it was in my mouth.  Then last night when Arianna was struggling with a number 2 (which she made sure to tell me was "not a baby Kaka, Daddy - BIIIIG Kaka!") there was Genevieve, jumping up and down applauding and yelling "Yay Sissie!  Two MMs!  Two MMs!"  Aside from the occasional Chic-fil-a and the rare "Mr. Kopp, please report to the Kids Club" she too deserves a strong round of applause.  Not only is she a potty trained big girl (got herself up to go to the bathroom last night - I thought a midget had broken into our room at 2:30 when I woke to see a little shadow passing through our room towards the bathroom) but she has become the number one porcelain cheerleader in the world. ... or at least the greater tri-state area.

The Rise, Fall and Resurection of Roar 2.0

We are back from Arizona, so no more "sent from my iPhone" messages at the end of my posts.  You can also blame any further typos or odd word choices on yours truly.  For long time followers who are quite attentive to details, you may have noticed that in a lot of the pictures I post of the girls they are each clutching a little stuffed tiger as if their life depended on it.  Well these are our Roars.  We got them from the Tucson Zoo after visiting Grandpa last Christmas and, for one reason or another, they imprinted on us and have been inseparable ever since.  I think every kid has their version of this.  Some have a lovey, some have a snuggy. ... some have their own other silly, made up name for a piece of fabric held together by nothing more than hope and a child's need for it to exist.  I think the best analogy to offer is Woody from Toy Story.  That one source of comfort that a child will always treasure in their heart. ... even when they've long since grown up.  In fact, I think we still have Gina's in storage some place.  Anyway, this is what the Roars have become for us.  They go everywhere with the girls. They never miss a bed time.  They have to be secretly pried from sleeping fingers and washed from time to time, placed back in their clutches before they wake or all hell might break loose.  In fact, in the middle of the night after a bad dream, "Roar" is called out almost as often as "Mama" or "Daddy".  So as we headed back to Tucson last week the idea came to replace the Roars with something new.  Grandpa was more than happy to oblige a return trip to the zoo and after seeing everything that swung, galloped or flew we hit up the gift shop for the ultimate choice.  The whole back wall of the store was stuffed.  Anything you could imagine: frogs, birds, cats, wolves, zebras, snakes. ... they even had a plush beetle, and the girls were given free reign to choose what ever their little hearts desired.  And after about 10 minutes their minds were made.  Arianna came running up delighted, shouting "Daddy. ... new Roar!" That's right, they chose the same exact things they had last time: Arianna the orange and black tiger, Genevieve the white and black.  Well of course they did.  Why alter a good thing.  The next step was going to be removing old Roar from the scene and leaving new Roar to pick up the pieces.  That, of course, hit a snag as well.  On Friday with a bunch of family over to my Father-in-law's house, one who will forever remain nameless attempted to make a space at the table by moving new orange Roar to the side. ... and directly onto a candle.  New Roar survived, but his tail did not.  It was almost sad the instant rejection he received from Arianna.  She wanted nothing to do with the now deformed Roar, pleading instead for "old Roar, Daddy, please!"  The shunned Roar was placed in the protective custoday and, after returning, home he underwent  serious surgery.  My Mother-in-Law removed the damaged section of tail, grafting the tip back on to the shortened remaining tail.  It worked and, although very skeptical of the visible scar, Arianna accepted the reconstructed Roar. ... Roar 2.5.  Now, to get the old Roars out of the picture. ... where did I put those candles?

Pic of the Week

"Thank God for Plexiglass"

Thankfully Thankful

Today, I'm thankful for all the things in life I didn't think I was thankful for at the time. I'm thankful for being forced to take Anthropology 101... I met Gina. I'm thankful that my acting career imploded and I had to settle for a normal life with a wife and kids. I hate to say I'm thankful for the biggest loss of my life, but the twins would never have happened with out it. I'm thankful for the baby we didn't plan on. I'm thankful my in-laws were so open to let us move in with them. I'm thankful I have to get up at 5am to go to work. I'm thankful that despite my greatest efforts, none of my life has gone according to plan. Because my plan sucked compared to the life I ended up with... And that's a fact!

Sent from my iPhone

Potty Training Goes To Sh!t

We are broadcasting to you live from Tucson Arizona this week; visiting my father-in-law for the holiday... So ignore any strange words and typos. My iPhone autocorrect feature is possessed by the ghost of dyslexic gerbil. The 9 hour car ride went great... Considering it was still a 9 hour car ride, although we forgot about the time change and walked in to a Chili's for a late 9:30 dinner at 10:30 AZ time... Looked like parents o the year as the only other occupants were in the bar and most of the chairs in the restaurant were already on top of the tables. But the real fun was lunch today. Gina tracked down a Chic-fill-a (her new obsession due to cookie milkshakes, healthy fast food and a 3 and under play area) so it took a little while to finally get there. Needless to say we ate and went right to the play zone. Arianna said she had to pee so I took her and she went. A few minutes later she had to poop so Gina took her and I stayed with Genevieve. High atop her perch at the peak of the slide I heard her suddenly shriek. "Slide down" I prompted. "No slide, Daddy...peeeee" was her response. She rounded into view and I saw the small dot on her pants start to spread across her undercarriage. "Hold it, hold it, hold it!" I pleaded. So she bent her knees and pointed them in while sort of wobbling her way back down the steps, desperately trying not to release any more. I sheepishly scooped her up and rushed her to the bathroom, passing Gina and an unsuccessful pooper Arianna on the way. We cleaned up, went to the car and got new panties and headed back inside... Where the other two were no where to be seen. We waited in the booth for 10 minutes before I leaned over to my toddler and said "I bet your sissy pooped herself." She looked up at me solemnly and said "yeah dadda.". Needless to say, we won't be going back there during the rest of our stay. It was a long, quiet...pants-less car ride home. Oh the shame.

Sent from my iPhone

Two Tiny Thumbs Up

Now that we've officially gotten through the three major hurdles that separate people from the animals (talking, walking upright and not shitting all over ourselves) we decided to tackle the final obstacle that makes us human. ... movies.  You'll recall that once upon a lifetime ago, I was an actor. ... and by my own accounts a really good one.  Maybe some day I'll need a pat on the back and put my demo reel up here so you can all I agree how amazing I was. ... sorry, back to the two people you came here to read about.  As a result I've always really taken my movies seriously.  I'm the guy who knows every storyline to every movie, including the ones I've never seen simply because I know the writers and/or directors well enough to establish the plot twists.  Don't ever watch a movie with me if you don't want to know in the first fifteen minutes what the "Sixth Sense" twist that's bound to happen in the end is gonna be.  And 7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon is for chumps. ... I'll get it done in 3.  Of course, as with most new parents, I haven't seen the inside of a movie theatre more than a handful of times since the girls were born. ... and I'm pretty sure most of those times were sitting through Twilight movies with my teenage girl of a wife.  Love you hon. ... go team Edward. ... sigh.  But the girls are now big enough that we thought we'd test the water with them.  They've sat through a few kids movies at home - Wall E, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid and of course Nemo.  So we with Happy Feet 2 coming out we thought this was a great opportunity to try.  The girls couldn't be more excited about "the penguin movie".  And we brought my sister-in-law along for back up.  We got to the first morning show figuring it gave the girls enough time before lunch and nap to avoid being cranky, and any people who had a problem with little kids in a movie theatre should know better than to go to the 10:20  Sunday morning showing of a movie about dancing, singing penguins. ... I had a whole speech worked out in case we got any flack.  I do have one suggestion. ... if it's a "kids" movie, maybe skip the 20 minutes of previews. ... or cut it in a half.  We're working with limited attention spans here people. ... don't cut in to our window of focus time.  For that matter, don't make the kids movie an hour and 45 minutes long. ... it was a really great film and all, but we pretty much checked out after the angry brown seagulls came in.  Something that couldn't be avoided was the mixture of sitting in a dark room and potty training.  I must have gone to the bathroom with Arianna half a dozen times.  About a third of those actually resulted in a bodily fluid discharge, the others were just false alarms.  Can't begrudge the kid, she's still trying to figure out what's what down there.  At one point, we had just sat back down and she turns to me and says "Kaka daddy."  I said "we just went, sit down and watch the movie," to which she responds "Please Daddy, kaka!"  I'm smart enough to know you never deny one who is pleading to poop.  Nothing happened, but better safe then sorry.  We also had a 30 second tussle over a chair, but other than that no behavior problems.  All in all I gathered the movie is about the same dancing penguin who now has kid and a flying penguin that looks like a puffin who speaks like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.  They all try and dance some snow in to a valley that the other penguins are trapped in, with the help of some Elephant Seals. ... and Brad Pitt and Matt Damon are a couple of shrimp who want to eat a Leopard Seal. ... I'll go with it.