Monday, April 11, 2011

Lessons Even My Toddlers Know

If you find something that doesn't belong to you, you give it back. My toddlers have grasped this concept (although sometimes it takes persuasion for them to follow through, especially if it's food), why can't adults? I lost my iPhone yesterday. ... well, not really lost it. It was in a pouch on the stroller while I competed in a mud run with my 11 year old sister in law and Gina and the girls were spectating. During the course of the day it either magically bounced out of the pouch while everything else in there stayed put, or someone walked by and snagged it. It was a mesh pouch so you could see everything in there. ... the little faith I place in humanity as a whole leads me to assume the latter. Anyway, they obviously don't have an iPhone otherwise they'd know the power inherent in such a device. I was able to track it with an app to an apartment complex in Fullerton (I get a five foot radius of it's location). Using Google Maps street view I was able to get the complex name, and then a general search turned up the property layout map that gave me the upstairs and downstairs unit numbers for the spot the phone was sitting. I locked the device remotely so they can't use it and then spent the rest of the night harassing them a la "I Know What You Did Last Summer". I can send messages through the tracker that display even after it's been locked. So I'd say things like "corner of Placentia and Madison, huh? Call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx so I can come down there and pick up my phone." And "I'd like my phone back. I know you're just a good Samaritan who's waiting to return it, right?" I finally followed up with "so I've narrowed down your apartment number to 20 or 33. ... should I just come down and visit" at which point the phone was promptly shut off. I know that they'll never be able to use it (serial number is reported stolen and police report will be filed later - they can't do it over the phone, I have to do it in person tonight) so now I'm just taking solace in screwing with them. But I just don't get people. A few years ago I found a hundred dollar bill on the gym floor. I promptly walked to the front desk and turned it. Didn't even cross my mind to keep it. In the years since I've lost sunglasses - called, they made their way to the managers office but by the time I got there to pick them up they'd "vanished"; had my wallet stolen at the gym - got to my car to cancel the credit cards and they'd already rung up $140 in gas charges; Gina's lost a necklace at the gym that was jacked from the locker she left it in; and now my phone. What pisses me off most is that in tracking it's movements I know it came with in yards of the Lost and Found booth at the race. They had every opportunity to do the right thing, but they just decided today was a good day to be an a**hole. I'll be horrified if I turn out kids who are capable of this. But something tells me I don't have to worry about it. In conclusion, if any of my readers live at the El Dorado Apartments, 1120 N. Placentia Ave, Fullerton, CA in either unit 20 or 33. ... I want my damn phone back. Thanks!


  1. Love it (your subtle terrorism, not the thieving jerk). Awesome (again, not the thief).

  2. Cracking me up. I just got my first Iphone last month and I would be so mad if someone stole it! So very mad!

  3. You make having your phone stolen sound fantastically fun.

    I truly don't understand theft of this sort in today's day and age. Phones, iPods and even computers are relatively cheap and the moment we start putting any apps, photos, music on them they get slow. Not to mention that they are outdated and replaced with newer models within months. That said, what's the point of stealing most of this stuff? It can rarely be used again and has little to no retail value.

    Those people suck. I hope my girls are better than that.